I think I’ve come to realize that I’m striving for something that’s unattainable. And I’m finally accepting it. To live my life just striving for goals that would increase my social status and income was making me miserable. I like doing what I’m good at. It makes me feel great about myself. And being a cashier made me remember that I was good at something. Yes its safe but I felt good about it. I only cared about quitting so much because I kept telling myself this isn’t what I want. I wasn’t accepting of it. I wasn’t accepting of me because other people devalue this job. Devalue the friends you have. Devalue all of that. I was making myself miserable trying to impress other people. My friends. My dad. My parents. To make them proud of my accomplishments. But I was literally killing myself over it. Determined to make it and forcing myself not to be honest with myself without acknowledging my limitations and strengths.  I always come back to this moment as hard as it to accept I think I’m finally accepting it. I’m not always going to feel great but thats normal. Everyone’s life will have its up and downs. And am I still going to have fear and anxiety over certain situations. Of course. But I’m also going to remind myself of realistic expectations for me. Having unrealistic expectations for me I was constantly setting myself up for failure. I’m accepting myself for me. And if there’s stuff I want to try well I’ll try even if those desruptive thoughts come up. I’ll rearrange them to make them realistic and not unrealistic.

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