How nice is that? You know what I just realized something. When I start to get anxious or scared or depressed its because I feel like I have something to lose. My pride, my ego, my history, the things I’ve worked really hard for. Then I realized at this very moment I truly feel like I don’t have shit to lose because I already lost it. And I instantly feel better. This might seem crazy but the key is to feel like there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose even when you have everything and are responsible for alot things. You’re being shitty to me today? You’re being an absolute bitch? I don’t care. Why? Because I having nothing to lose. Not only that I can’t lose me not matter what. No matter how shitty everything is going and I feel like I’m losing myself. I have me first and that’s key and that’s enough. Nothing to lose. Doesn’t matter how much time we’ve spent together. I have absolutely nothing to lose. Na da. I could lose you today and I’ll be okay. Because I’m okay without everyone and I can be and I am. Why? Simple I have nothing to lose. Nothing to scared of. That losing you is ok. That being without you is ok. That being treated like shit isn’t ok. That I’m going to take advantage of what I have to take advantage of. Because you don’t define me. And you took my kindness as weakness. That it doesnt matter. Because I literally have nothing to lose with you. With all of you. That I’m going to be strong on my own first. Because I have nothing to lose. You’re right I aint doing shit right now. And I don’t care because I have nothing to lose. Not you. Not my job. Not my pride. Nothing. And if I do lose those things again it doesn’t matter. Because that shit didn’t belong to me anyways. It’s just a thing. I belong to me. It may sound counter productive. But it isn’t. I know I have a lot to give. And I know when something is wrong or not. Everything happens isn’t me. It’s just there. And I’m here to fuck around with it all and manipulate it. LOL. To experience things. To feel. To feel happiness. To feel sadness. To feel achievement. To feel. To do. To not get sucked into feeling i do have shit to lose. And not identify with any of that crap that we “think” is important to us. Or feel is so fucking real. That was the trap. And I can’t believe it took me this long to remember. That there is and always will be nothing to lose.

Advertisements