I feel like I want to cut certain people out of my life. I tend to see people’s good sides but i also tend to see their bad sides as well and just deal with it. But when is enough enough? I’m debating about one friend.. I just feel like I’m always there for her.. for everything. And not once.. ok once.. she has been there for me.. okay.. twice. Fuck I don’t know. LOL I’m confused as fuck. Sometimes I feel like you don’t care about me at all. With the trip we just went to I thought you would at least try to make me feel better. But Look here I go again.. I’m making excuses for you. I’m making excuses that you were there for me because you tolerated me. I’m making excuses for you being a bitch to me even though you knew I was having real issues and apologized to you twice. You weren’t sensitive to that. I’m making excuses that you wouldn’t go out and did whatever I wanted because you knew I was sad. But that’s not true. Why the fuck do I always put you and everyone else above me always. I’m not saying you owe me shit because I go above and beyond fo ryou guys. That’s not the relationships I want to have. I do it because I want to. But sometimes when I need someone there you don’t know how to be. Act like its no big deal… when it is. And I can’t help but make excuses for you. For the way you treat me and that its good enough. But fuck it isn’t. It never was. You do things on your timeline. And I thought that was the way “friendships” were suppose to be like. But i realized I just didn’t know better friendships til now.  deep down I felt like it wasn’t enough and that I just expected too much. But it isn’t.. you just don’t know how to be there for me. Or.. should I say want to be there for me. Because you always put yourself first even when I was miserable. Maybe I’m wrong. maybe I’m right. But deep down I know I don’t deserve this shit. AT ALL. And yes I’m re-evaluating. I need to put myself first. And also put people in my life that actually give a fuck about me as much as I do for them. Not some selfish relationships. I’m done giving people my all and getting shit back. I definitely don’t deserve it.

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