I feel like an absolute loser socializing. It gives me a lot of anxiety. Caring about what people think of me and what they think of the experience when we are together. It freaks me out. ALOT. I always tried to hide it from people but hiding it is causing me so much damage to myself. This stress I feel has always been about people. Their expectations of me. Our relationship with eachtoher. I JUST CARE TOO MUCH. And I don’t know how to stop. It may seem stupid but isn’t to me. It feels real to me. Like at work I’m thinking about lunch time. That i’m going to have nobody. That everyone’s going to look at me like I’m such a loser. That I’m isolating myself from everyone. That I dont’ want to talk. That I’m afraid to talk. That I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me. I’m so tempted to just say to myself wtf is wrong with me. But there isn’t anything wrong with me. Yes shit will be awkward. Yes I do care. But this feeling is temporary. I know it keeps coming up and you think its a huge issue. That its holding you back in life. And maybe it is. The truth is.. the only person I have is me. Me and my relationship to myself. And I have to .. I want to be kind to me. Out of everyone. Yes were probably going to go through this pain numerous times but I’m here for you. No secrets. There’s times that you just want to scream at yourself to get a hold of yourself for others. And that’s ok. It’s ok. Know that I will be here for you during those shitty days. Those shitty feelings that feel like forever. And know that you aren’t the only one that goes through this stuff. And you aren’t alone. You have your bestfriends. You have your family. Your counselor. And with all of us combined. You’ll make it through again and again and again.

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