I think i’ve accepted that I have anxiety. I think I used to be so scared and so ashamed of admitting I have it. And yes it does take me effort to express how I feel and admit what I have to my closest friends. But I’m glad I did and do. It was much easier to admit then I thought. Do I feel like it can be debilitating? For sure. But like the idiot I am I can’t help but keep trying to improve over and over again. Embarassed, ashamed, humilitated the whole way. But I don’t care. I do feel kind of bad for expirmenting myself in my workplace. But at the same time I need this experience. And I need it to be in my face. And I need it to make me uncomfortable. It’s the best way to learn. I feel obligated to my job. And truth is I do care about the job. But I care about me more. I know that sounds kind of selfish. But I need to work on myself and I want to. I can keep hiding and staying away from things I’m afraid or get anxious about. But what good does that do me? I’m not doing myself any favours. And yes I’m not putting alot of effort into becoming friends with everyone. And yes I’m not caring to be too professional. Because my end goal is to learn to how to work with my anxiety. How to ride that energy and keep moving forward. I totally agree that this is a life long journey and that it’s probably going to take me a long time to get comfortable with but I’m ok with that. I accept that anxiety is a part of life. I don’t want it to control me. I just want to be friends with it. I know people look at me crazy when I explain to them how I feel but I just realize its either that they’re afraid to accept it themselves or because they haven’t walked through the intesnity of anxiety that I feel. And that’s all okay.

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