I just got over getting bitched at by one of my higher ups.. lol. Not going to lie first feeling I had was pure rage that my face turned red. And that’s all I could see and couldn’t hear a single thing this bitch said to me. I came back to write and release my feelings but I don’t know right now I just feel over it. That’s her life and that’s the way she’s going to live it. Bitter. Unhappy. And well I’m glad I don’t have to live in LOL. Is this the way its suppose to be? To get reamed by asking questions? And not understanding to begin with? Look I know I’m young and I can be very stupid at times but there is no way in hell I’m going to let her yelling at me and disrespecting me for me to accept it’s my fault. Because its not. It’s not my fault for how someone chooses to act. That’s uncontrollable and that is absolute insanity to think I can change that. I use to blame myself that me getting bitched at by my higher ups was always my fault. And the way they treated me was my fault. But its not. And I’ve finally realize that and undrestand that. Of course I still want to learn. And I did learn something from that even though I got reamed. I’ve come to realize that there is going to be a bunch of assholes I’m going to have to take. And that’s part of the learning process. Not everyone is an angel. Maybe that’s why I’m over it. Over being mad. I feel like I should be bitching about her in anger and in rage right now like I usually do and say shitty things about her to make me feel better but all it feels like is just effort. And I’m not interested in wasting my effort on her. I don’t know but this feeling is started to scare me LOL. I don’t know if its the fact that I see it in another perspective. That her has never been about me. And to be honest all I want to do is learn even if you are bitching at me. I’ll make sense of it. Do better. But not for you. For me. And that I will always be willing to do. And do I feel like I need to get revenge? Not going to lie I did really really want to deck you and imagined scenarios of you getting killed in numerous ways LOL.. But I know what I deserve I will always get. And what you deserve you will always get. I’m just going to let karma do its job. Your life is not the life I have to live.

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