Okay maybe i’m not over it like I thought I was. I still feel the scenario popping in and out of my head. When I try to nap thats when it pops up the most. I still feel it coming up and that’s okay. For me for things that piss me off that is out of my control I playback the scenario over and over again. It’s automatic but what I did before f was just pushing through it that its nothing and not acknowledging it but instead ignoring it haha. And let me tell you that is the worst way for me. To ignore, to not acknowledge it because I will obsess over it. So here I am writing again everytime she pisses me off and the scenario just pops into my head. Sometimes I can’t help but think about these things alot and I know its from habits. Which is why its so hard to implement my change but I’m not giving up. Yeah the feeling and the thought and the replay is definitely uncomfortable but I realize what works best for me is to see it, feel it, acknowledge it, and let myself be okay with it. And TO RELAX LOL. And forgive myself. Fuck who knew relaxing was so fucking hard haha especially when your amped up in negative thoughts sometimes.

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