It’s funny to me I grew up idolizing people, things, scenarios, and what “seemed perfect” to realize that what I needed was to learn how to be imperfect this whole time. To be okay with all my mistakes, to mess up in all ways all day, to not always having the ideal scenarios. I guess I finally came to terms that its okay to be where I am. To be in situations that I am in. To be in scenarios that I am in. One of them is my situation. I was always jealous about how some people I knew were bestfriends. And how they understood eachother and had eachother’s back and just got to know eachother so well. I was envious of that. I wanted that for myself too but I just realized there is too much that has happened between our relationship. And that we just butt heads all the time and can’t even have a normal conversation with eachother without yelling at eachother. I’ve come to terms with that, that it is okay that we will never have that type of relationship. I used to be embarassed and thought people would judge me for not having that type of relationship. That we were mean to eachother. That we didn’t talk on a daily basis and if it was it was just to eat. But I realized that not everyone is going to be in a perfect scenario. And that’s okay. I’ll work with what I got. And I can still dream and have that on my own. That it is not dependent. It’s funny how my counsellor thought it was such a big deal in the situation that I was in. And I just laughed because I didn’t think it was serious. But maybe I am in that type of situation and it isn’t bad to learn and read about it. I don’t think I will ever feel like I could abandon that. Or say I don’t care. As much as I can seem like I don’t, I do. I wish sometimes I didn’t feel obligated or feel like my heart strings are pulled but I do. And at the end of the day I have to do what feels right for me, not what someone says is the right thing to do.

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