Lately and to be honest for a while I’m just not interested in partying and doing what everyone else is doing. But I can’t help it sometimes. I get fomo. When my friends are telling me what they are doing and asking what I’m doing. And asking me to go out. I don’t know. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. BUT I only feel that way when they’re constantly asking me what I’m doing. I feel like everyone secretly is thinking who’s better. That whoever is busy is better than the person who is doing nothing. And to be honest I used to think that way and I’m still guilty of that at times. That people think they are better than other people when they have things to do and the other people don’t. I’m learning to not give af. And its taking some time to adjust. To be honest I don’t want to be wasting my days drinking them away or doing things to not be bored and pass the time. I know they are REALLY fun to do. But I don’t like to that and come back being directionless, lost, not know what I’m passionate about, give only a shit about my reputation, trying to one-up someone else. I hate that game of catch-up. And honestly it might just be me thinking this way. I don’t know. I just want to be in the direction of spending quality time with people I adore and get to know, talking and following my passions, doing things I’m proud of. That’s what I want my life to mostly be like. I don’t mind fucking around and messing around. But if I have nothing to come back to?.. I don’t get why I just want to party away my life because I’m bored and want exciting things to do. I think its really fun but it left me empty. And I feel like my friends around me don’t understand that and that’s okay. And people around me don’t understand that and that’s okay. We think differently and we want different things and to be honest they might not even know what they want. So sometimes when I get into my fomo mode I have to keep in mind we don’t all think alike, some people don’t know what they are looking for, and that an image that looks fun on the outside doesn’t necessarily mean fulfilling. You’re living proof of that. There’s no need to feel the need to catch up. The only person you should be playing catch-up is with yourself day to day.

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