I take a lot of responsibility for people in my lives. Their problems become mines. I guess it never occurred to me that it was a bad thing or that I did do that. I have a counselor I talk to things to because I do need an outlet to express how I truly feel and that includes being extremely vulnerable and not having guilt expressing how I feel. I would talk to her about other things that were really my main focus on things I want to do. But it was always those random times we talk when I don’t have anything in particular set up in my mind to say but the things that naturally happen that seemed like small issues were what she was concerned about the most. Which was basically my role in my family. I guess I didn’t really notice how much of myself I was giving to them. Not that it is a bad thing. But she was right. That their problems become mine even if it isn’t my responsibility but because it was easier to put all their problems on to me to figure out. I didn’t realize that. To be honest I thought I was just doing what I was supposed to do as a daughter. But she basically laughed at me and said no. You need boundaries. Something that I never instilled in my life. Even when I did before I felt guilty and just did it anyway no matter how much it stressed me out. And it wasn’t even my problem to begin with!! Sounds fucked up. When I look at the big picture I see it. But what my parents don’t understand is they think its easier for me to do all those things but you knew what to do before. Why should I do this for you because you think its easier for me to do? When really.. I have to learn and do all those things just as hard as you had to. Just because I speak english doesn’t make that substantially easier. You guys knew how to do those things before. If you really wanted to get it done you would. Just like how I have to figure out my life and do things I really want to get done, done. If there’s a will there’s a way. In the back my mind, yes I do still feel a little guilty that I’m being selfish. But my counselor is right. I’m not being selfish at all. I’m taking all that stress to make your guys life easier. I’m put so much responsibility on myself to make your guys life easier. And meanwhile I’ve been shitting on myself. Because who was there for me when all this shit was going down? None of you guys. Not even emotionally. Not once have you asked me how I was doing. You guys just placed it on me and I took over and did my best. But meanwhile I did that I lost myself giving myself to you guys. When that shouldn’t have been placed on a young child. My counselor was right I’m not being selfish by putting boundaries. And I’m taking time getting used to it and not feeling bad about it because guilt tripping was what my parents taught me. It’s brand new to me. Don’t get me wrong I’m not mad at my parents for what has happened. Its build me to who I am today. But now that I know better, I can be better. As much as hearing anything related to responsibility they want to place on me will bring a sense of an unsettling feeling, I can move past it and be okay with it because I trust the process and I trust me.

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