Confused.. is how I’m feeling at the moment. Or just torn. I’ve been trying to stay present for the last 3 weeks now. I do feel better. But I’m also scared at the moment too. Not knowing what’s going to happen. Or if I can do it or not. It honestly freaks me out. The time, the money wasted? Or even more time and money wasted? I have debt lined up, network at risk, my emotions messed up, and social life getting messy. I don’t know. I don’t know if belief in yourself is enough. Hearing people say it over and over again makes me want to believe it. But I need to experience it myself to really know. I’ve done it and fell on my face but it’s part of the process apparently. I’m just lost right now. Wondering what my next step to do. What I’m missing. What I can do better next time. How I can excel through it all. I know the journey I’m taking isn’t supposed to be easy but damn noone told me it would hurt this much. I’m kind of at a moment where I am still feeling vulnerable as fuck cause of shit hitting the fan but I also feel brave enough to try again, maybe something different. Just don’t know what that step is right now. I feel like that is the right direction. But I don’t know where and what I’m doing about it yet. Hopefully I find the answer soon.

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