I started this blog because I wanted to be real with myself. I know I wrote 3x today on it. But I write because I let go of the feeling or the thought or whatever is bothering me. I don’t know how to explain it but once I do I let go of it and poof its gone. Like magic. I don’t know the answers and its okay. I know and I realize that I do put alot of unnecessary pressures on myself. I have to learn how to curb the habit. It’s not going to be easy but I’m willing to try and try and try again. Next time I put pressure on myself, I’m going to rethink about it and is it worth the stress? I think people sometimes, me included, feel the need to feel stressed or look stressed so it looks like they are trying hard or working hard. But that’s not true it doesn’t mean your working any less hard just because you aren’t stressed. You can still work really hard on something and just be at peace. I know it doesn’t sound completely convincing. But think about it. What’s more productive? Stress is known to make people get flustered, not focus, miss details while being calm you can stay focused, think properly, and notice the mistakes. How can you work hard on something when you can’t even focus? Isn’t that counterproductive. Forcing yourself to learn or do something when you can’t even focus? That’s absolutely crazy. And where did this expectation come from? I know its not just me. From society, once again. Society expects you to have to be stressed to seem busy. Stupid, isn’t it? If it’s done often enough and happens enough, it becomes true? Ha. I don’t think so. I’m learning that I absorb a shit load of expectations, thoughts, feelings from society. I use to think I didn’t take in shit. I take in TOO MUCH shit. I’m in overload about worthless, stupid crap, that society made me think was right. Because truth is, no one knows the truth, what’s wrong and what’s right. No one. But the fact that its done often enough, people think its true and that’s the way it works. Yea, in most cases that’s true because patterns appear and outcomes can be predicted, but it doesn’t absolutely mean that is completely true. There are exceptions. And its upto you, to realize what is true and right and wrong to you. What’s hindering you. What’s stopping you. It takes time. It takes trial and error. As much as I get frustrated, I appreciate the moments. No matter how much it drives me up the wall at the moment. I need.. well scratch that.. want to get rid of my unnecessary pressures no matter what society wants to think about how I react. Because anyways.. you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t.. so you might as well do what the fuck you were going to do anyways.

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