Let’s just hope it isn’t what I think it is. It’s pretty bad. But I guess if I look at it another way.. it’s not that bad. But I’m not going to stress about the possibilities anymore. I can’t and well. honestly I don’t feel like putting myself through emotional distress anymore. I’m going with facts and proven things. I don’t feel like and want to get all worked up for things anymore. It’s a bad habit I tell ya. Anyways I’m going to hope for the best and treat it like the worst case scenario and I’ll deal with as it goes.

Anyways back to better news. I feel like I do get hit with a shitload of curve balls. LOL… really I do. But I realize that all I have to do is just keep moving on and keep moving forward. Never staying still. I’ve done both. Stood still and kept moving forward. Not going to lie to you, both are equally as painful in experiences. Staying the same hurts, never improving hurts, changes hurt, failing hurts, succeeding hurts. Let’s just say it’s alot of effort. But the efforts are different for both scenarios. Staying the same hurts emotionally alot and changing, failing, succeeding hurt in effort. And my choice is the latter. I do kind of feel like I am in a twilight zone right now. Kind of hit like a dead end. And having to start over. But I’m okay with it right now. At this very moment. I guess its because I’ve hit the dead end before that it feels okay now the second time. I’m going to keep pushing. Keeping altering with changes. Mold myself to succeed in society even if I’m uncomfortable or even if its not in my DNA. Cause truth be told, I don’t think people talk about because its so personal to say that you have to play by the rules of the game. No really think about it. At any century or time in life there are certain rules and what is allowed and not allowed or how do you say it what is accepted and not accepted. Of course everyone would love to live the way they want to, exactly the way they want to. But unless you can retire off your earnings, that’s going to be hard. Being yourself doesn’t always lead to success yeah you’ll probably be happy. But right now there’s a trade off. I don’t mean to be harsh, I’m just accepting the facts. Life isn’t fair, but I’m still optimistic. And life’s not perfect but I’m still optimistic. Like how there are rules to succeed in any hobby or anything, there are rules in how to play the game and how to use it to your advantage or find the loop holes. But you have to see that. And I see it but I’m still trying to figure it out. My goal at the moment is to just stop worrying, being grateful for what I have, minimize the negative talking or working with it to my advantage, to just keep trying, even its just one more time again, and keep trying to be great.

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