I honestly feel this vulnerable insecure feeling over me right now. I genuinely feel lost. I feel like I’m at square one again. I realize now that I should have always accepted myself for who I was. You can improve, but you can improve only so much if you aren’t true to yourself. It starts to eat at you. I guess through failing you do learn alot about yourself and what to do. I realized that I’m not as social as I thought. That I was introvert but I was ashamed of being one. When you are young, it sucks to be different. And I guess I wanted to be like everyone so bad that I had the urge to be. And I did become that. Ya it made me happy momentarily but it was really high lows and really high highs. I realize I like my space ALOT but I do need social interaction once in a while. I don’t like to be ON on all the time. Second thing I realized about myself was that I do get disappointed and sad really easily because I overthink so much and because my emotions are so strong. I realized its good for me to stay around really positive people. I realized I have extremely high expectations about myself that I need to work on the best I can be to my effort and in the time frame given instead of being perfect. Because? Its better for my sanity.
I still wonder at times if I’m doing things right.. I know I’m not suppose to think about the purpose so much because I just got to live and experience. But it’s my life here. That’s important to me. I don’t know. All I can say is that I’m more confused than ever.