Is it worth it that I’m putting so much stress on myself to be perfect at my job? I’m handling so much pressure that its making me cry everyday. And its making me feel incompetent because I’m not fast enough. I want to be great but I’m wondering if I’m focusing on the wrong things like not my strengths. I get this overwhelming stress from work and I take it home and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been dreaming about it too. And I can’t sleep properly without stressing about it. I just don’t know if this is worth it. I know its because I am for perfection in the job and its hard to do that in a place that wants speed as well. If I’m going to man up through it I’m going to have to be organized and know how to handle my stress.

Right at this moment, I don’t feel it’s worth it. I don’t feel its worth it to let this one little job control so much of my life. There’s a quote that says that you shouldn’t let people, money, or something control your life. I say it shouldn’t be people, money, or your ANTs control your life. Honestly it’s making me mentally exhausted everyday. Making me feel like I want to give up. But I still have that voice in back telling me you can do this. Believe in you. It might be really faint but I hear you.

So the question is.. do I continue or do I not? Is this worth it? Or .. am I doing this to myself when I am capable?

Well.. right now its really early in the morning. And I just don’t feel like going to work and it’s been like this the last week and a half. I’m dreading it in some way but I just want the day to be over as well. I know I’m thinking way too much about it, and I’m being way too nice about it. And sometimes it makes me feel like I lost myself at least at work. I don’t have to let a job determine my whole life and how it affects me. I control what happens to me. I will try my best today in a timely manner and remember to be positive. I’m trying to get through the day today. And I’ll rehash afterwards.