“Either someone is getting in your way, or trying to control you. But you can overcome the challenge and end up achieving a substantial amount. You just have to try extra hard. Stay witty, flexible and tolerant and you will be highly persuasive. If on the other hand you become too obsessed with what’s going on, you won’t see the wood for the trees and will get everything out of proportion. Stand back and remember there is an upside as well as a downside.” Is my horoscope today and I almost broke down reading it. I try so hard. I honestly in my heart always try to do things to the best of my abilities. I don’t think anyone else can say that besides me. Because I know truly in my heart I really am. I try my hardest to do things well. But it isn’t working. And when something isn’t working for the longest time its insane to keep doing it if it isn’t working. M has been pissing me the fuck off and I wanted to flip on her and I did give attitude but I’m trying to be tolerant and do what is best for me. Address the issue cordially and make sure she understands my side if she doesn’t then whatever. I’ve never cried so much in my life over a fucking job. I can laugh about it now but I honestly have never been so overwhelmed and its because I care. I was so close to breaking down at work because I was so frustrated and the stress got to me. But I refuse. I refuse to give up. No matter how much this is hurting me. It may sound stupid and small that I care so much and I’m letting a job like this affect me. But like I said, I look at this an investment to myself. I’m disappointed in myself more than anything. More than the staff looking at me like I’m stupid or incapable. That hurts me too. But I’m the one who beats myself up more than anything. Its frustrating. When I know I can be capable of so much. Maybe I am jumping the gun and skipping steps and I need to take my time and practice and do whatever is necessary to get to where and who I want to become. Even if that is daily, hourly, every minute. Because I refuse to look at myself when I’m 80 and be scared. Be scared of stupid shit and I avoided it because I thought I couldn’t do it or my body reacts naturally in great emotion, in anxiety, in fear to things. I refuse. You can say I’m being hard on myself and maybe I am but I want to have no regrets in life. And know that I took the all the risks in my life and conquered my fears no matter how big or small. And if I have to cry everyday. I will. Because I’m not in the mindset of failure no more. I’m not who I was last year. I can feel the difference. And I question myself all the time if this is what its supposed to be like. But I need to trust myself. And that THIS IS the path and THIS IS how its supposed to be like. Who said conquering your biggest obstacles, even if it is you, is easy. I can definitely say this is one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But I will try harder and harder and harder and harder and harder EVERYDAY. Til I get it. Even if I am confident in my abilities. If I need to focus on one goal at a time I will. You might say this is torture but what’s hard is worth it in the end. All the bitchy comments my coworkers say and laugh about, all the doubt and thoughts they think of me, let it happen. And GIVE IT TO ME HARD. I don’t want it easy. I may bitch about it, cry about it, doubt myself, torture myself, want to flip my shit on people, but I’ll take it. I’m getting hazed and I’ll look at this as 3 month test. I’ll keep trying everyday and harder everyday and improve everyday and do things smarter everyday, and use my brilliant head. Because I believe in me and that’s all I ever needed. Oh and through this whole process I’m going to keep it to myself. I don’t want anyone messing with
my decisions. All the pain, all the joy, every accomplishment and every struggle.
can’t see the wood for the trees
(British, American & Australian) also can’t see the forest for the trees(American & Australian)