I only feel like I’m on a emotional roller coaster. And its the not the same type as being depressed and being happy again. It’s totally different. It’s like a roller coaster of giving up, doubting myself and being confident and trusting myself. And I know its because of work. I know I can be so great but I hate how physically and sometimes mentally I can’t be where I want to be at and know I can be at. My back has been aching everyday like no joke. I sleep and its gone and everyday during work and after work my back is just killing me and I know its because of posture and I try to fix it but there’s so much I have to at work too. I just hate how I know I can keep going but I got to deal with this pain. And not only that but my head fogs up when I don’t have enough sleep and honestly this is just so frustrating LOL.. I honesty wish I didn’t have to deal with this pain and fogginess. I know the solution. I do. And its time management, organization, sleeping enough, taking care of myself, and sitting in the proper way that will fix this. And I have to do it everyday and it has to be a non-negotiable. I do feel overwhelmed. I do feel like crying because I’m just overwhelmed or people think I’m stupid at work but its because I’m feeling out of it. I think scratch that I know I let people get to me way way TOO MUCH. I need to prove me to myself and only that. And just get it done. Everyone can go FUCK THEMSELVES LOL. And I have to mean it and stop blaming myself. They want me to do something tell me straight up. And I’ll just my common sense but .. Idk fuck I just need to find the woman I was again. And all will fall into place. Trusting me again, FUCKING EVERYONE ELSE OPINIONS and how they make me feel. I’m just gonna get it.

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