I don’t know if its my head thinking too much or I’m just fucking tired. I just have no energy to deal with people constantly wanting my attention. I work 9 hours everyday. Everyday. I get confused if I’m tired or not at times. I don’t know if its just my head or if I am actually physically tired. I’ve getting a little more irritated with people. Everything they do just easily sets me off.. well not sets me off but I give attitude. Idk. Idk. Idk. I don’t know if its the stress either. But I think the stress is kind of fun to be honest lol. Anyways I think the part where it gets messy is when I start to judge myself and not believe in my abilities. I may not be thinking that I don’t believe in myself consciously but unconsciously I’m behaving like I don’t believe in myself. I catch those type of things. I’m trying to train myself to think another way so now that I am aware I am more cautious about these things and I notice them. Anyways… another thing I met a new girl at work and honestly…. I don’t know if I even like her. Or I just want her there for company LOL. She like attached to me like in 3 seconds and calls and texts all the time. I don’t know if I’m annoyed or not. I’m like in tricky spot right now because I’m fucking cluttered in the head. Anyways shes really outgoing but shes super negative. Like really negative. And not only that she brags about how good she is. I guess like when she’s bragging about herself I feel insecure because I’m not as good as she is or assertive as she is or that she gets things right away. And I start to doubt myself. But I can’t think like that. I can’t be mean to me anymore. As easily it is to be harsh on yourself and judge yourself, that thought process has to change if I want to become a better me everyday. I always have to keep in mind that you just have to do things to the best of your ability and continue to improve to your liking. Like I said, everyone starts at different levels and some people might get things easier. Not everyone is the same. There is ALWAYS going to be someone better than you. And that’s the truth. But there is absolutely no benefit to compare yourself to them. Yeah use it as motivation but don’t compare yourself to make yourself feel like shit because that is absolutely going to take you NO WHERE. And know your value. You have things that are better than other people that they don’t have. You have advantages in your own way it just depends on how you use them to your advantage. So I need to keep reminding myself to not stress and just improve you by your standards. Anyways and about her just being negative.. its like no offense BUT STFU. LOL. I’m just a little annoyed because it rubs off on me. And I start to negatively talk. I didn’t even realize that until I was aware of wtf I was saying out of mouth. It was like the shit she was saying. But fuck I work this hard to have a good mindset and there is no fucking way I am letting you fuck that up. LOL.. I literally don’t even know what to think right now about her. And she brags like she’s better than someone else. I get it if you tell me once but you don’t need to tell me 30x. Be humble. If you want to be great life, know when to shut the fuck up LOL. Yeah some people annoy the fuck out of me too or are just fucking rude or I think someones fucking stupid. But do you see complaining in person? No. Yeah I may think certains ways about people but I would never say it to their face. Not because I’m a pussy but because alot of people doubt themselves. And I do the same, I doubt me too. And its hard you know if you don’t understand that persons feelings because your selfish as fuck only considering yours because you think you only matter is absolutely selfish and insensitive. Like the saying goes, people will forget what you say and what you do but they will NEVER forget the way you made them feel. You never who that person you are offending will become and I’m just being honest just give them the common courtesy you would have liked. Think about something you absolutely suck and you need help and noones there to help you but tell you are idiot even though you are extremely good at other things. You know? It’s like just stfu. Just because you’re better than someone makes your ego feel better doesn’t mean you are any better anyone else. In life you have to not judge, because you can learn something from everybody whether that everybody believes they’re amazing or not.  I just want to work fucking hard everyday to the best of my abilities, hit my goals, have confidence/strength in myself, have meaningful relationships, and just be happy. Fuck the negativity and the doubters.

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