So alot has been going on so far. Well it definitely feels like it. I feel like I’m on auto-pilot lately. But what I need to ask myself about every 3 days or so is, is this who I want to be for the rest of my life and what I want to do for the rest of my life or live like this for the rest of my life? Sometimes I just need a reality check. I don’t think I’m being too analytical at all. Time is so precious to me. And I don’t want a day to go by wasting it. Anyways one of c is older and she was telling me how its lonely being so independent. No offense but when I looked at her I see qualities I see in myself. And I don’t know if its a clue or a heads up from G that I should really know what’s important to me. I don’t want to grow old and have no one there. That’s sad LOL.. no offense. I mean relationships mean as much as to me as success. But I don’t want to do without either. And looking at her I guess I could see how my life would be if I chose to only be self-sufficient and not having time for relationships to cure. And I don’t want to be like her. You know like regret. Once in a while G always gives a heads up and if you’re lucky or ready for it you’ll notice it. I need to always keep in mind that life is a game. It’s about living the happiest you can. Even if you have to go through hell for a little bit. It makes it all worth it. But other than that… I feel better at work. I still get stressed. I know its an independent thing. I need to just trust myself and rely on myself. I’m my own worst critic like I said. That’s why I stutter on things I do or want to say. I know I need to believe in myself more and I know I do but I got to do it without thinking what others will think of me. All these things coupled with eachother makes it alot harder for me just because I’ve had challenges with each one of them but I could usually work on them one by one but in these type of situations I’ve been put on a “multi-tasking” situation. But I’m going to keep working on it! Oh yeah.. can’t forget to mention the energy thing. Omg its fucking hard not to get sucked into people’s low energy. It’s not even negative but it makes the biggest impact especially if you’re stuck with that person all day. I’m legit like a sponge. I need to CUT the cord. Because honestly, in my heart, I cannot let myself LIVE THAT WAY LOL For real. Honestly it’s kind of upsetting for me to see people live like this. I would only hope and wish for everyone to live a life fulfilled. And that if you don’t enjoy your work, you’re at least doing things you love and spending time with people you adore and hitting your dreams if you want to. But its kind of sad to see people on auto-pilot like taking the day by day doing the same shit saying the same shit nothing going on. That work is their life. You may not say it but I can see it written all over your face. I just don’t want to be one of them. I need to keep challenging myself, be excited, work on things I want to work on, elevate myself, spend time with people I love, do things I love, have time to meet new people and relationships. I’ll do it all. Just got to keep focused.

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