Something came up that actually made me depressed before. And I just can’t stop thinking about it. I honestly wish worrying never existed. Because that’s what I do best. I emotionally fuck myself over. And it literally feels like its coming back to haunt me. The worst thing is I can’t answer the question or figure out the outcome. And it just gives me anxiety just waiting and waiting and waiting. It’s one of those things you can’t control. But this isn’t a little thing its a huge thing which why I can’t seem to brush it off. For once this is something I’m not even over exaggerating in. I didn’t know how much it hurt me until I talk about it. I just want to burst into tears because I’m so stressed over it. For something I can’t control and will make a big impact. I hate asking and praying sometimes to God about needing something. It feels selfish. But when there is absolutely no one else all I need is someone to listen and just to feel hope. Ugh I hate feeling this way and what this has done to me but I have to roll with the punches. I can’t control everything and especially the uncontrollable. I just got to live and take it one day at a time and not think about it. I hate how I’m such worry wart.

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