I’m trying to be more aware of myself. I do realize that I do get easily angry. Maybe its just lately or something but I catch myself. I think its good to be aware of how you naturally react to certain situations. Well its important to me because sometimes my feelings and how I feel at the moment absolutely control my actions and what I do about it. I’m taking babysteps. LOL… way harder than it seems. But I realized lately now that I’ve isolated myself a bit from other people I know what I want more. On the negative side its made me have a little less tolerance to people’s bullshit LOL I guess that’s a good thing because I don’t want to people please no more. It’s werid when you start to pull yourself away even for a little while you realize who you are again. You realize what goals you wanted again. You realize and are aware of finally becoming the person you always wanted to be. I think sometimes when you surround yourself with so many people for so long you forget about you. I’m not going to lie yeah I still feel insecure about comparing myself with what other people I know are doing. But its deadly to get into that game of catch-up. I’ve done it. And you just lose yourself. Like your ego your shit just gets in the way. I think people don’t realize if you were outside looking in on “these people” its that they are just like you. Insecure, can’t trust everybody, etc. But they have this life like they have it all together and they’re having fun. It couldn’t be more false. I know cause I’ve been friends with them. I’m not saying it isnt fun. It is. But its usually just chasing girls, stroking ego, and no humility. Behind that scene when you get to know them in a personal level all i see is someone who is insecure, scared, like anybody else but with more issues sometimes. Yeah theres always one or two that really do have their shit together but its really rare. I don’t want to have to lose myself again. I want to know in most situations that at least I can control who I am. That’s my goal.

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