I think its natural to feel competitive and want something even if your friend has it. I know its a terrible thing to say but come on lets keep it real. Don’t tell me you never felt jealous because your friend got something you’ve always wanted. At the end of the day I’m human. Of course I feel terrible for feeling this way because my close friend got the job or got the same steps. Obviously being the one who got in and got called you want to get in faster rather than waiting to get in. But one thing I really hate about these type of things is that I couldn’t control how I feel. I hated that feeling that I couldn’t control that adrenaline rush. I was literally shaking when someone called me cause I thought it was them. I just wanted to write and get the feeling out because it always had helped me to write out how I feel. It’s like I throw away the feeling I felt at that time. Anyways, lesson learned, that you can’t control things that are uncontrollable but how you react to them is the most important. I want to be able to, one day, be able to only feel happy when my close friends get something they’ve always wanted without any jealousy even if it was something I wanted myself. Because at the end of the day, I would have wanted and wished them to have done the same thing for me.

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