I really think I did. And I honestly think its the best decision I’ve made in my life – cutting off my friendship with D. I look at other people’s friendships and how they should be and I compare them to my best friends or other close girlfriends friendships I have and our friendship just doesn’t compare. I can finally look at our friendship from a detached view with no emotions and just rational thinking. She was a shitty friend. A really shitty friend. I’ve always had like a gut feeling like I couldn’t trust her and I guess I always knew but I chose to ignore it because I give chances. There were times, yeah, I felt like we were really great friends but those moments only lasted a moment and it was never consistent. She would lie about little things but then forget she told me about those “little things” and end up spilling the truth. It wasn’t anything major but the fact that you do that and like I know you do to other people you just met so you can make other plans with whoever you want annoyed the shit out of me. I caught every single lie. I don’t say anything because I guess I never cared enough about her because I couldn’t trust her anyways. It was basically proving exactly what I thought of her from the beginning. I know what you’re thinking, then why did you want to be friends with her in the first place?! Okay shame on me alright I’m going to admit it. She was really well connected and knew the type of people I like to party with. Well basically meeting guys only the girls I could care less (just because these girls are as fake as they come). But at the time, I was also going through things with O. I couldn’t handle the burden that was put on me and like I said in a previous post or two that I was in denial and I just wanted to run away from the problems. My parents don’t speak english so every apt, every med, every anything was put upon me. I obviously care about O a lot and I would support him no matter what and I would make sure the career I have will be able to support whatever luxuries he wants. Partying, drinking, messing around with guys was the only way for me to numb my feelings and completely ignore it without even thinking about it. I wasn’t the type that was a depressed drunk when shit happens, I’m the fun one. Oh besides that one time I went batshit crazy at a club haha. Anyways back to D, She’s only there for you when she needs you. She wants you to listen to her problems and your issues don’t really matter to her unless its about gossip. I was never completely comfortable being myself around her because on some days she’ll be really judgmental and other times she wouldn’t be. It was like a mind fuck. She’s selfish but many think and I’ve fell for it too that she gives the first impression that she would do anything for you but she only does this if she wants to maintain the relationship and that relationship has to benefit her in some way. She would talk to your guys behind your back or accuse you that you were with flirting with the guys she likes when you’ve clearly told her no you haven’t. If she made a new best friend that had status because she was older she would lie to you and all of a sudden being disloyal to you (really pissed me off, I didn’t get along with the older girl). I don’t know she’s just not fucking loyal. Omg haha thinking about it right now is making me livid. She was passive aggressive, would say one thing to be polite but totally means another thing and at the end she does exactly what she wanted to do. No matter how she has told me things that she said she has never told anyone else, I look at it now as sad because I don’t believe what comes out of her mouth anymore. Not that I don’t believe what she told me but I don’t believe her that I was the only one she’s told. She’s just proven me wrong so many times, she would say things like you are the only one that knows and I would find out you told another girlfriend of ours the same exact thing. The fuck? Like why would you even bother saying I was the only one? Just don’t say it. Simple as that. I hate liars. She was always dicks over chicks, no matter even if she was closer to the girl. I didn’t feel like she did that with me but other girlfriends say otherwise and how can I completely be sure she hasn’t about me. She would leave you at clubs if she met a guy and apologize like she really is sorry but it was hard to believe because shes done it 3x. She always wants to do plans that she wants to do even if you want to do something else. Always need you to be there when she has to get something done that she doesn’t want to do and she makes you wait. She guilt trips you to stay because it’s really uncomfortable for her but it just really pissed me off when she would disregard the time I’ve been there waiting for her because I want to be a good friend and I get it. When she was jealous of you, she would tell guys that are going after you that she was close with (which was basically every guy) that you were a player and that you talk to so many guys. Even one time, she went up to my buddy at a club and was like why do all the guys like her. WTF? Okay WTF was I thinking. I don’t even know why I waited so long to stop being friends. Like fuck it, I get her victim stories (oh yeah I forgot she ALWAYS makes herself the victim – especially when we get into heated arguments she would tell all the guys (and GIRLS) about it and make it seem like I’m the one who’s completely wrong) about how everyone has wronged her and I fell for it. But wtf, do you even realize how you’ve wronged me? I was the most loyal and best friend you could have ever had and I know you realize that because everyone tells you and you never wanted to let me go but I’m done. I’m done. I’m walking away for real.
It’s kind of sad that I wasted three years or it took me this long to completely realize it but do I regret it? No I never regret anything. If it’s not a blessing it’s a lesson. As much as I bash on her, its like any other person of course they have really great things about them too. Like in previous posts I’ve talked about her and she has taught me a lot of things that I am thankful for.
But at this time in life, I only want genuine friendships. I think I really did have to go through the shitty friends, the fake friends, the backstabbing friends, the liars to really appreciate a genuine one. If I didn’t, I would probably still be attracted to pointless friendships. I only want people who are supportive, want the best for you, genuine, and it’ll be a plus if they are going the same ambitious path as I am right now. As I would do the same.
I’ve always been able to tell a snake from a mile away or someone that isn’t good. Like everyone has always told me haha. I have at least a 99.9% success rate, no lie LOL. There are once or three times I’ve made the wrong judgment but I’ve met a lot of people and I can really tell. Even if I did get it wrong those once or three times, time has always told me the truth.