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Feeling a little a bad, scratch that, feeling really bad that I keep putting my exams and school before everyone else. I tried putting them into my schedule but I always get sideswepted by work and thought I was working 5 days this week which was right before my 2 midterms plus an assignment. Yeah I admit.. I get angry when I’m stressed out. Every little thing starts to piss me off– from the sound of cricket to the crumpled paper on my clean desk. I end up bitching at everybody when they come close to me even when I clearly told them to stay away from me because I’ll become a super bitch. 

I just wonder. If I’m like this now, what am I going to be like in the future? When I have more stressful things than just a midterm. How am I going to avoid being a bitch. Because even when I try to hold it in I end up with that feeling inside of me for the longest time before or if it ever disappears from that day. I’m like miserable when I’m stressed, getting tension headaches, can’t focus, can understand things properly. I know I’m the type of person that would put work and school before every thing- from relationships to family to social life. I don’t want to do that though. It’s like automatic. I want to be able to enjoy the birthdays, the celebrations, the vacations, instead of always being plugged into work work work. I don’t know how people can enjoy all those things when they have extremely stressful decisions to make every night. Please tell me how if you do haha.

I need to know how to avoid stress and how to act on stress and use it positively and to be able to think clearly when I’m stressed. Planning ahead and doing things ahead always helps alot but on the days when everything comes at once — I need to figure how to deal with that. Because there is no fucking way I’m letting this happen and control me in the future if I’m making a business decision, important move, or let it get in the way of my success. No fucking way.