I skipped school yesterday. Cause I get this feeling where I don’t want to socialize. And then I start thinking i’m only going to be awkward at school. Okay I swear whenever I read what I write on this I sound so dumb. I skipped going out with my family today as well which I regret. Sometimes being an introvert isn’t the best thing. I realize its my habits that i’m lazy as well to ask people to go out with me. I’m just afraid of being annoying. But I realize without taking chances you never know. I have to just grow the balls and do everything. I remember the first day I went university after highschool. Holy was I shy. I do commend myself for how far I’ve gone now to be outgoing. Trust me there is a difference. I pushed myself HARD through several awkward situations to get to where I am now. I would stutter when I tried to talk to people because I was so isolated from people for so long. I had a core group of friends in highschool. I’m still friends with them til this day. Even though I had them as my friends. Sometimes I would just sit with them in silence. I had nothing to say. All I was doing was studying. I was in volleyball but I wasn’t really the outgoing type. I pushed myself to be outgoing. Why? Because it is something I value. I was super shy that I would ignore people to save myself from embarrassement. I never talked. I never raised my hand in class. To be honest. I’m alot happier being outgoing than not talking. But I realized with being more talkative I encounter new problems.I try to be somebody else. I tried to people please. I try to act like I’m doing so much stuff when I’m really not. I try to not sound like a loser or a loner that has no friends. To be honest I don’t think I do have that many friends. People I consider my friends are my girls and some coworkers. I realize I push people away. Even people that want to get to know me. I don’t want them to because I don’t want them to see who I really am. That I don’t have that many friends. That I don’t go out that much. That I’m so insecure about them finding out the truth and how I’m insecure without makeup. I want to be honest now. Tell them I’m not doing anything. If they ask me out EVEN if I’m nervous to go out to just go out. Cause you have to practice social skills to get out there. If I don’t like something I’m going to say I don’t like it. If I don’t like doing something I’m going to say I don’t like doing that. If someone offends me brush it off. Say something if you have to. I just want to be honest to myself and to stop hiding because its plain stupid. Be shy if you are. Be outgoing if you are. Be comfortable whereever you are. It’s going to be a big deal for me to go to school without makeup. So I’m going to start right there. I’m going to try something new everyday that scares me. And I’m going to blog about it 🙂 How I’m starting from the bottom to get where I want to be. Which is to have a lot of friends that geniunely care about me and I care about them.  

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