Lately I’ve just been in a funk. I’m trying to remember when it all started. Oh it was friday. It’s been four days. Ever since my gfs came to a buddies thing of mines. I’m feeling a little different. Like I don’t fit in with my bestfriends no more. I think I’m thinking too much like I always do which is why I like to keep myself really busy so I don’t think too much and lead to negative thoughts. For example like this. I cared about how my girls acted that day and now I’m trying to compose myself differently. Maybe its the fact that I’m trying to change myself and its not right. When I’m acting myself is when I’m the happiest. All of it. When I start to care what people are thinking about me it ruins me. It’s ruining me right now. I just came to realization to what happened and why I’m feeling this way. I care about what I did and it replays back in my head 10x over to what I  and my friends did that felt embarrassing. It’s not healthy and I realize that now. Noone even cares as much as I do as to what happened. They probably remembered what I did but its probably not as important to them as much as it is to me. I want to just let that go. Whatever happened, happened. New day, New beginnings. Forget it. Act the way you want and naturally do. WHO CARES. cause i’m trying to not to right now even though its hard. Even though its hard it will get easier with time like everything else does. Acting the way you want is the reason why your closest friends LOVE you. Remember that because at the end of the day that is all that matters. Quit trying to look at people and trying to be someone else because they are well liked. Quit trying to please anyone so they like you more. Quit trying to be fake to anyone so they like you more. Quit trying to be nice to anyone so they like you more. Quit trying to do anything to anyone or for anyone so they like you more. Look at people like role models, there is nothing wrong with aspiring a trait some has that you envy. Don’t look at them and think because they are well-liked to act completely like them. It’s not you. Why would you want to be the duplicate of someone else when you can be an original. Even if you would like your life to be like theirs. Ask yourself why? I want their life because they seem happy, full of money, outgoing, social, everything I want to be. Is it bad to want these things? It’s bad to compare yourself to something like that when you aren’t doing anything about it. If you want all those things do it. Think in the future if you had all these things. Would it solve all your problems? No because I don’t know how I’m going to make all that money haven’t planned it, I’m social and outgoing when things are happening in my life and I’m happy, and I’m really bipolar on being happy. People say the most important thing in life is to be happy and now I finally realize what they meant. I always thought people just wanted to be happy because they were broke and just said that. But now it all makes sense. No matter what you do and having all the money in the world. No matter how hard you are striving for your success if you’re lonely, you’re not happy. If you have noone to spend that money with, you’re not happy. If you have no leisure time to let yourself free and have fun you become nothing. If you’re friends with people who don’t really care about you, you’re not happy. If I could be all these things such as having money, having actual friends, having family that care about you, having your own social circle who care about you and really have a good time with, meeting new people (all kinds negative and positive) and know as many as possible and know their story, not caring if I’m cool or not cool and having the best time, cutting people out, scratch that let people who are negative be in you’re life but NOT LET them affect you. This is the way to life. If I fulfill all these things I will be happy. Working on myself and my feelings are hard.. Lol. but i will try my best to get rid of all or most negative aspects and live in the moment. 

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