My friends are annoying me right now. I’m trying to say they aren’t. But they really are. They act weird to me the next day. They’re ditching plans we made together to go out with these guys. It annoys me because they are going out with them after and they aren’t even inviting me to go out with them too. I would have said no anyways because I’m insecure to be in a bathing suit right now. They invited me and I didn’t go yesterday because I felt weird being with those guys. Sorry but I do. Those guys are like my girlfriend R’s friends. Sometimes I’m just really uncomfortable around my friends acting like really embarrassing and doing really embarrassing things. I think it’s funny and I do it with them too but I don’t like showing people how we act because yes I am scared they are going to look at us weird. People do things that are funny but my girlfriends the closest ones to me act like to the extent of being really weird that it makes us laugh. I know if I act like that to some of my other friends they would think I’m weird. You know? Then when I see other people acting as weird as we do I become judging of them and think they are weird and say that they act weird. So technically I’m being a hypocrite. I’m so confused with myself. Like I’m afraid of acting like this.. I guess. Like not being cool. I honestly love making a fool of myself and people making a fool of themselves too and I do do that with people I hang out with but my girls LOL .. they just bring it to a whole new level. I act like that but only with them. I’m just going to stop judging and laugh my hardest when they do it when I think its funny and force myself to be comfortable. I’m not forcing myself to be anything I’m just doing this because I want myself to be comfortable with who I am and JUST accept it. All sides of me. Not judge anything and just do it and not think. I’m just going to live in the moment. #YOLO with bad decisions and no regrets. 

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