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I like to be the underdog and be misunderstood but sometimes I just want people to know I’m nothing like the way they perceive me as a first impression. It’s get a little tiring having to prove yourself to everyone all the time. There hasn’t been one person I haven’t had to prove myself to. If I really think about it. Either I start the conversation with someone and they realize I’m not like that or they will either talk to me because they think I’m a down slut or like them or they won’t be interested in talking to me because they think I’m the typical stereotype. It’s just annoying sometimes. I feel like everything I am, genuinely am, I have to say it out of my own mouth otherwise they would never believe it. And its always shocking. I just wish people would stop judging people by the way they look and judge them strictly on how they are as a person because that’s what I do. Being judged myself I know how it feels to be misunderstood and be called things that you aren’t and never were and having people not interested in even getting to know you because they think of you that way. It’s hurtful I admit but I don’t ever want to have to change myself and fit that look for them to accept me. Cause fuck it if you think of me like that already and you don’t even know me why should I even consider a judgmental person like you as a friend anyways? It just lessens your value as a person, friend, boyfriend, husband, anything. 

Me and Y were just joking around about the girls in the city I live. I was making fun of him and those girls. He told me he’s older than the guys he hangs out with and he knows what he wants in a girl. I believe him. He is older hes 25 now. The age of my older sibling. You should know what you want by the age of 25. He knows he can get younger girls but I mean who can’t when you have money? LOL comeon. And Y definitely has money. He told me the older girls he knows dump certain guys because they don’t see a life with them. I told him neither do I that’s why I don’t fuck with them. So he knows I’m looking for my good boy. 

It’s true though I am. I just don’t know how long its going to take. I just haven’t found any good boys I’m interested in. Noone in my school looks like me. I’m like a rare kind in the uni I’m in. There are a few just really rare. I just want a guy I can see a future with. That’s genuinely happy with me and with me in their life. Like an actual relationship without the money, the trips, getting spoiled. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind that and I wouldn’t mind having that but I just want to get to know the person on a level where that doesn’t interfere us first. Then after I don’t mind it. For me dating a guy early on that has extra money to blow on me makes me feel slutty and prostitute like. I don’t like how a guy can think that if they buy me shit that they own me and can make mistakes. It’s fine dating a guy who you’ve been committed too and finally establish feelings and a relationship that’s getting somewhere to buy you shit. That’s fine at least I wouldn’t feel like a hoe. But too early on makes me feel cheap, that I’m just a fuck in exchange for stuff. I just want an honest relationship with someone that cares about me, someone that’s going somewhere with their life, someone that has values and standards, someone that’s going to make me better, someone that’s my bestfriend. Just a thought for the day.