Lately I’ve just been in a funk. I’m trying to remember when it all started. Oh it was friday. It’s been four days. Ever since my gfs came to a buddies thing of mines. I’m feeling a little different. Like I don’t fit in with my bestfriends no more. I think I’m thinking too much like I always do which is why I like to keep myself really busy so I don’t think too much and lead to negative thoughts. For example like this. I cared about how my girls acted that day and now I’m trying to compose myself differently. Maybe its the fact that I’m trying to change myself and its not right. When I’m acting myself is when I’m the happiest. All of it. When I start to care what people are thinking about me it ruins me. It’s ruining me right now. I just came to realization to what happened and why I’m feeling this way. I care about what I did and it replays back in my head 10x over to what I and my friends did that felt embarrassing. It’s not healthy and I realize that now. Noone even cares as much as I do as to what happened. They probably remembered what I did but its probably not as important to them as much as it is to me. I want to just let that go. Whatever happened, happened. New day, New beginnings. Forget it. Act the way you want and naturally do. WHO CARES. cause i’m trying to not to right now even though its hard. Even though its hard it will get easier with time like everything else does. Acting the way you want is the reason why your closest friends LOVE you. Remember that because at the end of the day that is all that matters. Quit trying to look at people and trying to be someone else because they are well liked. Quit trying to please anyone so they like you more. Quit trying to be fake to anyone so they like you more. Quit trying to be nice to anyone so they like you more. Quit trying to do anything to anyone or for anyone so they like you more. Look at people like role models, there is nothing wrong with aspiring a trait some has that you envy. Don’t look at them and think because they are well-liked to act completely like them. It’s not you. Why would you want to be the duplicate of someone else when you can be an original. Even if you would like your life to be like theirs. Ask yourself why? I want their life because they seem happy, full of money, outgoing, social, everything I want to be. Is it bad to want these things? It’s bad to compare yourself to something like that when you aren’t doing anything about it. If you want all those things do it. Think in the future if you had all these things. Would it solve all your problems? No because I don’t know how I’m going to make all that money haven’t planned it, I’m social and outgoing when things are happening in my life and I’m happy, and I’m really bipolar on being happy. People say the most important thing in life is to be happy and now I finally realize what they meant. I always thought people just wanted to be happy because they were broke and just said that. But now it all makes sense. No matter what you do and having all the money in the world. No matter how hard you are striving for your success if you’re lonely, you’re not happy. If you have noone to spend that money with, you’re not happy. If you have no leisure time to let yourself free and have fun you become nothing. If you’re friends with people who don’t really care about you, you’re not happy. If I could be all these things such as having money, having actual friends, having family that care about you, having your own social circle who care about you and really have a good time with, meeting new people (all kinds negative and positive) and know as many as possible and know their story, not caring if I’m cool or not cool and having the best time, cutting people out, scratch that let people who are negative be in you’re life but NOT LET them affect you. This is the way to life. If I fulfill all these things I will be happy. Working on myself and my feelings are hard.. Lol. but i will try my best to get rid of all or most negative aspects and live in the moment.
I love that I found this blog to really express myself whenever I feel anything to let it go completely. It really helps me move on from things. To not care once I’ve written it instead of just holding it in and ignoring it and never acknowledging it. I think this blog is really helping me grow through all of my bad and good experiences.
I’m working today finally! First day at work. I’m not as excited as I used to be? But that always happens. I’m always really excited to do something at the beginning and then I just lose the excitement with people and jobs. I like to show people my fun side when I first meet them. Maybe that’s my downfall that I only think people want to see my fun side. I need to let them see every side of me to get the real me and not care. I feel I get awkward when I’m not feeling social that day or anything around them. But then when I let it go and just talk I lose that feeling and I realize I’m actually enjoying my time with these people. I’m just going to let my personality shine through. I want to completely stop caring what others think of me and just be me.
“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.” Vernon Howard
Approval Seeking Behavior… If you ask me, this is where many of our challenges start. When you are too concerned with what other people think of you, you start sabotaging your life, and you try moving forward but with the breaks on.
“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner” Lao Tzu
If we want to live life the way WE want to and not the way others would want us to, we need to let go of our constant need to control what other people think of us, we need to learn to let go of our approval seeking behavior. I know that this is not always an easy task to do and that is exactly why I decided to write about the 9 reasons why you should no longer care about what others think or say of you, to point out some of the things we all know but we just need to be reminded of from time to time.
1. You simply can’t be liked by everybody
No matter how much you try and no matter how “nice” you are with people, you simply can’t have everybody like you for there will always be people who will continue talking about you and your “inappropriate” way of thinking, behaving, breathing, dressing, living, etc.
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”Winston Churchill
2. You can live a happy life without “their” approval
You are not less or more of a person based on how many people like and approve of you. While growing up we were told that in order to be liked by others we must be nice to people and we are, but somehow we keep encountering people that don’t seem to like us. So why is that? Is there something wrong with us? Not really. Just because some people don’t like us, does not imply that there is something wrong with us, for that is not true. You are already, whole and complete and you don’t need other people’s approval in order to feel this way. How freeing is that?
“Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” Wayne Dyer
3. You can’t control what other people think of you
I came to the realization that we all live in different worlds, a different reality for each and every one of us, reality that was built based on our thoughts, beliefs, experiences, based on what we were taught while growing up. What I might see as being right, other people might see as being wrong, and what I might see as being beautiful other people might see as being ugly.
We all have a different perception on how life should be lived and how people should act, and instead of wasting your time thinking about what other people think and say of you, why not spend that time improving and growing yourself, knowing that: “Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.” Einstein
4. Approval seeking behavior is time consuming
It takes a lot of your time, time that can be used to do the things that you really enjoy doing.
5. Approval seeking behavior drains your energy
Every time you spend time thinking and talking about what X or Y said about you, not only are you wasting your time, but you are also wasting your precious energy.
When you no longer care about what other people think of you, you start being yourself and you start behaving the way you always wanted but you couldn’t because of all the restrictions and limits you imposed on yourself. You have no idea how much freedom comes with letting go of your need to control what other people think of you. Just give it a chance and you will understand what I am talking about.
7. Inner peace
We all seek peace and we all want to be happy and the moment you stop caring about what “they” think, you will find just that.
“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” Peace Pilgrim
8. You are the one in control of your life, not them
Mind your own business and live your life, the way you want to, the way it best suits you, and let go of your approval seeking behavior.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you’ll be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Arthur Gordon
9. The only person you must get approval from is YOU
If you like and approve of yourself, believe me, it will no longer matter if people say nice things about you or not, for you will understand: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Carl Jung
You get to a point where you know, them talking about you has little or nothing to do with how you think, act, live, etc., but a lot to do with how they think, and who they perceive reality. A lot of times, what we can’t accept in others are the things we haven’t accepted in ourselves, whether we are consciously aware of this truth or not.
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself as someone who needs to judge.” Wayne Dyer
My friends are annoying me right now. I’m trying to say they aren’t. But they really are. They act weird to me the next day. They’re ditching plans we made together to go out with these guys. It annoys me because they are going out with them after and they aren’t even inviting me to go out with them too. I would have said no anyways because I’m insecure to be in a bathing suit right now. They invited me and I didn’t go yesterday because I felt weird being with those guys. Sorry but I do. Those guys are like my girlfriend R’s friends. Sometimes I’m just really uncomfortable around my friends acting like really embarrassing and doing really embarrassing things. I think it’s funny and I do it with them too but I don’t like showing people how we act because yes I am scared they are going to look at us weird. People do things that are funny but my girlfriends the closest ones to me act like to the extent of being really weird that it makes us laugh. I know if I act like that to some of my other friends they would think I’m weird. You know? Then when I see other people acting as weird as we do I become judging of them and think they are weird and say that they act weird. So technically I’m being a hypocrite. I’m so confused with myself. Like I’m afraid of acting like this.. I guess. Like not being cool. I honestly love making a fool of myself and people making a fool of themselves too and I do do that with people I hang out with but my girls LOL .. they just bring it to a whole new level. I act like that but only with them. I’m just going to stop judging and laugh my hardest when they do it when I think its funny and force myself to be comfortable. I’m not forcing myself to be anything I’m just doing this because I want myself to be comfortable with who I am and JUST accept it. All sides of me. Not judge anything and just do it and not think. I’m just going to live in the moment. #YOLO with bad decisions and no regrets.
NO MORE BUTT SLAPS. NO MORE BLOWING KISSES. NO MORE KICKING. NO MORE GETTING TOO COMFORTABLE. NO MORE ACTING TOO THUG. NO MORE ACTING TOO GUYISH. NO MORE TALKING SO MUCH AND NEVER SHUTTING UP. NO MORE BEING SO LOUD. NO MORE ACTING TRASHY. NO MORE FEELING EMBARRASSED ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND LET IT BE. NO MORE FEELING AWKWARD AND GO TO EVERY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION. NO MORE SWEARING. AND FIND EVERY GOOD IN ANY BAD SITUATION. BE HAPPY AND CLASSY. BE GENUINE. BE FUNNY. BE KIND. BE OUTGOING. BE CHILL. DON’T JUDGE ANYONE AND ACT LIKE HOW YOU ACT TO YOUR FRIENDS TO EVERYONE.
I notice lately I’m acting really annoying when I drink. LOL I don’t know why I’m just being really chatty and don’t shut up. I will stop now. LOL for my own sake. No more swearing as well. I went drinking last night and I was with new type of guys. It’s weird I don’t have as much fun with them. They just don’t go hard like my friends do. I’m use to people chill drinking with me with goose not beers and going really easy. Last night was just average. I didn’t really have fun but I’m going to tell everyone I did. Just to be nice. I felt awkward yesterday. I realize I always feel awkward with types of people I haven’t chilled with a long time. Like when I don’t fit in. These guys went to school and network for money. They’re making it. I’m just not used to it. But maybe its a good thing for me. I need the change but I don’t know if I want to. Like with these guys I feel like I need to be me more and just want to be friends. With the other guys they give me so much attention, flirt with me, buy me drinks, go hard with me, and party hard and wild with me. I like that.
I don’t know but these guys are better for me in the long run compared to those guys you know. Theyll have my back and actually genuinely care about me if I let them get close to me. I don’t know why but I really big problem letting people close to me. Is it really weird that I feel like I’m an in-between person. Like I fit in with alot of people because of my personality. they never feel weird around me but I’m the one who feels weird around people that I’m not used to hanging out with. Like different types of people. It’s weird when I don’t feel like I fit in. I realize drinking makes you fit in with everyone when you feel awkward, That’s not a good thing though. I feel like its better to know people and develop a relationship than to drink and get to know eachother. But drinking to know eachother first and then developing a relationship is better. I don’t know. It’s like I wished for guys like these but then I feel like I don’t belong? I’m not going to lie to you with the other guys I chill with I feel like I fit right in and that I never felt more like myself. With these guys I feel like I have to be proper, I have to be a good girl, I have to be wanting something in life, doing something in my life, watch my rep. Everything. I feel like I don’t get the attention I usually get either. Yes I admit I’m an attention whore. I don’t need it but I want it type of thing. With the other guys I don’t feel like I need to care. I’m everything I am, No matter how fucked I am. Scraps. Bitching when someone pisses me off. Going for guys that I want that night and not caring how I look. Flirting with guys and having a good time. Getting drunk as fuck and being in the moment. I never felt as much as I did letting me be everything I am than with these guys. But maybe its because they’re fucked up themselves? I like these guys cause were straightforward with eachother. No bullshit. No lies. No trying to be cool. With good guys. I got to watch myself. Fit into a certain position. I can do it and they love me. But maybe I need that? To get to where I want in life? Its like I like being around b boys and I’m most like myself but everything I want in a guy and in life is with the g boys. Why am I so complicated? My needs aren’t my wants. Does anyone ever feel that? The difference between the two is the value of the person. Both type of guys make money but the value they want in the girls is different. The guys I’m most comfortable with like hot girls and that they know they want money. The other guys I feel awkward with want girls who want more in life, are doing something with their life, not golddiggers, someone like them. And thats what I want. Should I have to change who I hang with to get what I want? I just want to be happy. I just feel like I juggle a dual-life. With the g guys I feel like I’m kind of embarrassed to be friends with them? It’s weird…lol I don’t want to feel that way and I’m not saying I’m any better than them but I do feel like I’m embarrassed to be friends with them when I’m friends with other guys that care about who your friends with. I feel bad for feeling this way. I get that awkward feeling. Like when im just with the cooler kids I don’t want to say I’m friends with these guys. I wish I didn’t feel that way at all and said hi to two people that wouldn’t get along and feel nothing. I even feel that with my bestfriends that I’m embarrassed about them sometimes. I don’t want to be but I do. I hate that I feel that way but I do. It’s cause they are so different I feel like it looks bad on me but I have to stop caring. Just be happy that I have friends and act like D.
I can’t help but care what people say about me as much I say I don’t. If I keep hearing I’m being annoying I’m going to change. It’s not that my personality is annoying. It’s that I don’t shut up. LOL I’m going to change that and tone it down.
I love my life. But there are times I wake up feeling weird? LIke after a day of completely socializing with people I’m not used to, I feel like that. Like I get all weird. It’s either that I’m really confused with life and what I’m doing or I just feel like I was acting weird the night before. Ugh. I just want to be happy and my life to be happy. I’m so bipolar lol
ill write soon.
Do you ever feel like you get jealous over things you shouldn’t be getting jealous over? Like introducing your friends to new friends. Like introducing girlfriends to guys that used to like you. Like getting shitty grades than your friends? I always get jealous because when I introduce my friends to new friends I want them to still like me more. It’s like I don’t want them to like them as much as they like me. And introducing girlfriends to guys that used to like me I feel jealous and that I always want them to want me even though I don’t want them. It’s like I like their company and I’m used to it. Like Y who’s now trying to go for my girlfriend and putting me on friendzone now. I think it’s partially because I hooked up with his buddy because that’s when he started acting all buddy buddy like to me. And getting shittier grades than your own friends I can’t help but feel like wtf. I’m going to be honest when I get better grades than everyone else I’m secretly really happy even if I don’t show it because I’m trying to be modest and not a show off. Admit it you do too I’m just saying it. I know I shouldn’t feel this way and I feel kind of greedy sometimes because I want everything to myself. The guys that liked me, the friends I have, anything. I just always want to be the best. Is that a bad thing? I don’t want to be a selfish person and I’m still working on it. I just feel wrong thinking these things for myself. Not wanting guys that liked me to like someone else when I don’t even want them? I should be introducing them to new girls so they’re happy. Not wanting my girlfriends to be more liked than I am is selfish. I shouldn’t care if these guys like another girl more than me. That means they click and maybe they get along better. I always have that feeling though. That slight jealously. I usually ignore it because I think it’s selfish personally. But come on be honest I think everyone likes having people that like them more than they like someone else and that they just gravitate to you. Right?
I like to be the underdog and be misunderstood but sometimes I just want people to know I’m nothing like the way they perceive me as a first impression. It’s get a little tiring having to prove yourself to everyone all the time. There hasn’t been one person I haven’t had to prove myself to. If I really think about it. Either I start the conversation with someone and they realize I’m not like that or they will either talk to me because they think I’m a down slut or like them or they won’t be interested in talking to me because they think I’m the typical stereotype. It’s just annoying sometimes. I feel like everything I am, genuinely am, I have to say it out of my own mouth otherwise they would never believe it. And its always shocking. I just wish people would stop judging people by the way they look and judge them strictly on how they are as a person because that’s what I do. Being judged myself I know how it feels to be misunderstood and be called things that you aren’t and never were and having people not interested in even getting to know you because they think of you that way. It’s hurtful I admit but I don’t ever want to have to change myself and fit that look for them to accept me. Cause fuck it if you think of me like that already and you don’t even know me why should I even consider a judgmental person like you as a friend anyways? It just lessens your value as a person, friend, boyfriend, husband, anything.
Me and Y were just joking around about the girls in the city I live. I was making fun of him and those girls. He told me he’s older than the guys he hangs out with and he knows what he wants in a girl. I believe him. He is older hes 25 now. The age of my older sibling. You should know what you want by the age of 25. He knows he can get younger girls but I mean who can’t when you have money? LOL comeon. And Y definitely has money. He told me the older girls he knows dump certain guys because they don’t see a life with them. I told him neither do I that’s why I don’t fuck with them. So he knows I’m looking for my good boy.
It’s true though I am. I just don’t know how long its going to take. I just haven’t found any good boys I’m interested in. Noone in my school looks like me. I’m like a rare kind in the uni I’m in. There are a few just really rare. I just want a guy I can see a future with. That’s genuinely happy with me and with me in their life. Like an actual relationship without the money, the trips, getting spoiled. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind that and I wouldn’t mind having that but I just want to get to know the person on a level where that doesn’t interfere us first. Then after I don’t mind it. For me dating a guy early on that has extra money to blow on me makes me feel slutty and prostitute like. I don’t like how a guy can think that if they buy me shit that they own me and can make mistakes. It’s fine dating a guy who you’ve been committed too and finally establish feelings and a relationship that’s getting somewhere to buy you shit. That’s fine at least I wouldn’t feel like a hoe. But too early on makes me feel cheap, that I’m just a fuck in exchange for stuff. I just want an honest relationship with someone that cares about me, someone that’s going somewhere with their life, someone that has values and standards, someone that’s going to make me better, someone that’s my bestfriend. Just a thought for the day.
I don’t even know where to start. I just had the weirdest dream. LOL. I literally was just thinking about this guy Y. I was wondering if I had feelings for him. Because all the girls think I like him because I talk about him all the time but truth be told I talk about every guy to them when I`m talking to them alot and my girls agreed. I was just thinking because Y and I were msging eachother and he asked about my girlfriend and I was like why do you want me to hook you up;) and hes like no she’s going to think I like her. When I was waiting for him to reply I felt kind of jealous. I really don’t think I like him though but maybe I can’t tell the difference anymore? I didn’t even realize I liked L the last time and I just kept denying it. But its been 3 years for me and Y. and I hooked up with one of his buddies. He used to be really flirty with me until I hooked up with his buddy. LOL. Okay time to tell you my dream.
So basically what happened was I was clubbing and there was a line outside it was either for waitlist or something else. While I was going to this line some blonde white girl kept nudging her ass on me and my girls and I bitched her out. While I continued down the line I saw Y. He was by himself high on drugs. Saying something to me I didn’t understand like jibberish for the longest time and he was just staring past me not at me. I was concerned after so I brought him to the hospital and some reason I grabbed him by the hand. And then we were at the hospital and hes in bed sleeping and I’m still holding his hand like I’m concerned and it was warm. After that we didn’t hold hands I think and I don’t think he knew that we did. He was up later and we just walked around and sat at this place and started getting deep. He was telling me how he doesn’t like superficial girls, girls who expect their daddy’s to pay for their shit, gold diggers. I defended and said not all girls are like that. I wanted to defend myself because some reason I felt like he was talking about me but I decided not to because if he wanted to get to know me that way he would have just asked. And I didn’t feel the need to prove myself. BUt after I thought about it I did. I wanted to tell him but I didn’t know how because I didn’t want him to look at me like that. And then he was going through some other issues and I found out he works. It was just weird how it was him because we weren’t talking for a while and when I woke up this morning he messaged me saying morning homie. LOL.. I don’t know what to say for real. Because every girl used to think this guy liked me even girls that didn’t know him and I kind of thought so to but I denied it to everyone that he didn’t. I’m just confused how I feel about him. I really just feel like were just friends and I was jealous because I didn’t want my gf taking away my friend type of thing. That’s what I think it is.