Before I go partying all night- I need to get a few things off my back. I hate these feelings I get when I chill with D and B. They both make me feel so insecure and that I have to prove myself to them. They are what you called the cool kids. I belong in this group but sometimes I feel like I have to know the right thing to say. I don`t want to feel like that. I just want to be myself. Even yesterday when I was just talking alot these guys thought I was annoying. I`m not going to lie it did hurt my feelings but since I was drunk I got over it. These guys are wack. They think I`m annoying. Even O was telling me to shut up. But the thing is I think he only said it because P said it. O would never just say that to my face without someone elses opinion. I’m going to try to be less annoying to these guys and stop hitting them because I know they don’t like it. I’m still myself but I’m going to tone it down with them. It’s only happened once. Sad to say I’m changing myself for someone but I’m doing it for my own good. If people thought you were always rude wouldn’t you tone it down and be nicer?
Back to D and B. D. I think D doesn`t think I like him. To be honest from what I hear I don’t really like him but the fact that hes bestfriends with my close friend I’m not going to say anything. I don’t like who he is. But at the end of the day he does have a really good heart, hes loyal, funny. On the bad side he very disrespectful, rude because he thinks he really good looking (he is good looking), has a temper, violent, hits girls, doesn’t give a fuck about a lot of things. He is the type of guy that you wonder why girls fall for him. He can be the rudest person and disrespect like no other to the a girl who respects herself, values herself, is intimidating and even she will run back to him like his bitch. But to be honest I think it’s because people are really scared of him. If you knew you would agree. Other than that I feel like all he cares about is money, girls, and his pride. I get uncomfortable talking to him sometimes. Like I don’t really want to talk to him. I think its the fact that I’m intimidated by him and I see the way he treats other girls like that. I know he wouldn’t treat like that because his bestfriend is super close to me. I don’t know maybe I’m intimidated and I don’t want to admit or I just don’t like who he is and don’t really want to be around him? Like I don’t even like listening to his calls.
And B. What I don’t like about her is that I think she’s very fake. She is one of the best friends you can have but at the same time she is such a snob. She treats my friend so good. But the thing I feel B gets close to people and treat them the best and be there for them for everything because she social climbs. No offense but this girl is older and chilling with younger girls. She even dates younger guys and manipulates them. She’ll use them for money and deeds. I just don’t want that as a friend. I don’t know my impression of her isn’t the greatest. I thought she was nice the first time I met her but the more I hear about her this girl is fucking evil. A girl you don’t want to get on your bad side. I don’t know if I’m just hating on B because she gets really close to my friend. I could be just jealous so I don’t want to like her but I’m usually not like that. B will say hi to me because she has to because I’m really close to her friend. But when I ask her to take shots with me she’ll look at me and ignore me. Like she thinks too cool for me. I hate guys or girls that act that way. They are only interested in you if you benefit them in a social ladder or some other way. The thing is maybe I need to get respect from everyone. Make them love me. I just want to do it, not to fit in, but to say whatever I want to say to whoever I want to say it to and them to be me on my side because they love me.
From this day on, I’m going to get that respect. Be me. and fuck the haters these bitches are. I guess its trues girls are fucking catty. What goes around comes around.