alchys, almost losing it, boys, careers, flings, fuck being annoying, fuck fear, girls, jobs, kissing, life, love life, making out, PDA, personal, personal blog, resisting, scared, sex, stop being afraid, summer, taking chances, work, yolo
Post interview! He said he liked me but isn’t that what they all say? Well see by the end of this week if I get the job. I’m kind of personally scared to take the job but honestly I don’t have anything better to do and I get fired I get fired. AGAIN. LOL who said it has to be on my resume. I’m going to use it as an experience and learn. It’s alot to do actually. I have to book keeping, accounting, working with optometrists machines, learn how to put on contacts and teach people how to use contacts. LOL I`m actually shitfaced scared to put on contacts but I lied in the interview and said I’ve never done it before in my life and that it should be fine. FML. What am I getting myself into. Not only that I didn’t know the resume I gave them the resume with the last place I was hired and got fired…… I know I would be laughing at the girl who’s dumb enough to do that. But I personally did it to lie so I look like the top candidate haha. I was a little nervous about accepting it before but after reading this quote. I’m not really anymore.
1. You can easily define your life with your fears.
Don’t underestimate the power of what you are afraid of. It is the root of much of existence as we know it. You can neglect your full potential because of being afraid. Know that it is nothing more than a mindgame. Danger is real. Heartache is real. Fear is not. It’s a story we tell ourselves.
It made me realize how dumb I was being because I am afraid. Made me realize I dropped alot of things because I was afraid. Afraid that my boss will think I’m dumb and annoying. Afraid that I couldn’t do it. Afraid that I couldn’t learn everything on time. Let’s just say one thing. I’m going to be the most annoying receptionist ever. I’m going to ask why this why that and practice it. Even if I know the answer I’m going to ask anyways because that’s the best way I learn. Fuck the haters, fuck my boss who’s going to be annoyed, fuck my coworker who’s going to hate me. You guys will shut up when I know what I’m really doing and can judge me then. This is if I get the job.
Now back to my partying diaries..
C who I had thing with before the one that came out of town actually had a girlfriend that whole time he was trying to get me. Was I mad? No. Did my heart sink like it did before when I heard he had a girlfriend? No. I think I’m over him. As much as I wanted to be in denial about my feelings for C. I’ll admit I did have feelings. I think its the fact that I didn’t want to have these feelings that I completely ignored them. To be honest, I’m glad I followed my gut instinct about C. I would have looked so dumb and been so hurt. To be honest I’m glad even though I want to experience that type of pain. I’m just really glad it wasn’t him because he would have been boasting to everyone that I lost it to him and that he got the “player” who didn’t want to be in anything. I’m really glad I didn’t because I know he would have hurt me to the core. He would have known every little bit of me, all the way to my flaws, and tell everyone about it. Why? Because he’s a fucken asshole. Would I still be friends him? Probably but never close. He just isn’t boyfriend material. Man.. and I thought he really understood me. Maybe he does. Or maybe he’s just really good at reading who you are. I know he really liked being around me though. I could feel it. But I’m really happy I didn’t fall for his bs. He tried to get other girls too and make them fight over each other for him. BITCH PLS LOL you aren’t even great looking. I fell for your personality not your looks just so you know hahahaha 😉 C always likes the challenge and getting girls all while he had a girlfriend. DEUCES.
If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know I’m a v. I’m 20 and I’m still wondering how its like but I don’t want to lose it to some random because of pressure. The image I portray of myself is already slutty apparently. I do admit I act like a flirt at times but people assume I’m a slut because of the way I dress and act. Honestly I don’t dress in corsets and blah blah. I wear blouses, tanks, shorts, and I just look like a hoe apparently.. LOL…eh I stop caring what people think about that though. Haters gonna hate. Recently I went to a party with one of my buddies and its been the farthest I ever gone.. LOL I blacked out though from drinking so I don’t remember parts of it. The guy D that asked me out had a thing for me but I never did anything with him because he isn’t my type. His friend, B, I thought was cute and I don’t even remember how I got with him. I just remember meeting him at the bar and then all of a sudden making out with him in this secret room in the condo. Apparently that rooms connected to another room where B’s pants where taken off there before we got into the secret room LOL idiot.. So I was making out with him for like an hour or so which feels like 10 mins when you’re drunk. I still remember his cologne smell. His shirts off, pants off, and my shirts off, bra off. He felt me all over. I was sitting on top of him straddled and making out. He grabs my boobs and rubs them and says “oh shit” in the horniest voice. He flips me over. Kisses me from head, neck, boobs, to stomach and then says “Let me eat you out.” I wasn’t down of course.. LOL I kept grabbing his chin to pull towards me and I said noo. I grabbed it three times because he kept trying to eat me out. I don’t remember when but his boxers were off and all of a sudden he grabs my hand and made me rub his dick. I always thought dicks were hard as like wood cause guys boners feel like that LOL but they’re soft. I’m not going to lie at the moment I really wanted to fuck him but my image and reputation comes first. Am I afraid of losing respect for myself and from others? Fuck yes. I didn’t want to look like the hoe and have people talk about me like that. I pulled my hand away and said “stop” and he’s like “come on” because he probably thought I was really down. He was literally ripping my clothes off. I had to put effort for him to not to pull off my clothes. But I have to say I love it when guys are super horny and perverted and just want to rip my clothes off. Then he started to rub my v while we were making out. Honestly I would never let anyone do that to me the first night we met but honestly I was really horny the day before and that day. I wanted someone to touch me and please me. We were in that room forever.. and probably were never going to leave that room. My girlfriend comes banging on the door because she knows Im not down to fuck anyone and she’s pissed off because shes sees his pants on the floor next to this bed in this other room connected to where we were. That’s when I stopped and I told him to grab me my shirt and and bra. I turned to him and was like where are your pants?! LOL He smiled and said “outside”. He was just in his boxers.
After that. He wouldn’t leave me alone. I was getting irritated because I like to do what I want to do. After that I would leave him and go talk to other guys there at the condo and he would be mad and jealous. I even told my girlfriend that night “I’m going to make B jealous with D.” So I went to go talk to D infront of B’s face. I was so drunk I don’t even remember. Honestly B looks like this really hot guy I saw on this reality show. And the more drunk I got the more he looked like him. I don’t know all the other guys were talking to me to but we weren’t doing anything or flirting. I was just having real life talks and they just like being around me. B was jealous and would always come in the room and hold my hand make it obvious that I’m his. And when I left him he would grab and pull into a room with just me and him. He would pull me in there and start making out with me telling me how I’m making it hard for him to leave. Guys … please use different lines. LOL like come on be a little original once in a while. I want to hear an original line hahah. And Guys we hear those lines and they don’t mean shit to us we know you’re just saying that to get in our pants. Us girls aren’t that delusional. B gave so much PDA at the condo I was going to die. Obviously I’m not thinking about that at the moment cause I’m fucken hammered. But damn I hate PDA. I don’t like kissing infront of other people. I don’t like heating myself out. Omg so embarrassed. I was so drunk that night. I didn’t even know B’s name by the end of the night LOLOL. I’ll tell you about J tomorrow. I have another one. Oh and another B and S. Finally catching up to my bstories.