I don’t know whether you’ve been good to me, bad to me, or trying to teach me a lesson? Let’s just say the 20 years I’ve been alive I’ve experienced more than a normal young adult experienced. You know what’s funny? I don’t regret anything at all. The crazy ups and the worst downs have made me find out more about myself and what I want. It made realize that I have a lot more internal problems than I thought I did. It made me realize what I’m afraid of. It made me realize what I potentially can be and the potential I have just by fixing these issues. Changes and forcing myself into situations I’m not normally in has definitely changed me in a good way. It’s not going to be an easy road but if there’s no pain there’s definitely no gain.
Changes is what I’m most afraid of and it is what is going to change me the most and give me the most potential. If i’m doing the same things over again I’m just going to get the same outcome.. and I want more than that. I don’t need to look at the things I’m doing now or the people I’m close with now stop me or blame them for how I am now because ultimately that is my decision of how I look at the situation. I’m going to be who I am and keep those close relationships and move on with my life and get there. Step by step.
Right now I’m not schooling, don’t have a job, and feel purposeless and I’m going to change that. I mean it this time. People like me that constantly think about this is not a bad thing. We are already one step ahead of people because we know we want something amazing in our life that only we can only do for ourselves. Like it feels like that missing piece.
I lost confidence in myself for a while and I’m still working on it. It’s not easy. Waking up somedays feeling not so pretty, not so skinny, or outgoing. But through trial and error I realize people only see what you want them to see. If there are days I feel outgoing and pretty people think I’m usually outgoing and pretty. Having feedback from your friends that I’ve just met tell me that makes me feel great. Sometimes you just gotta push like you do when you study really hard for a test even though you want to procrastinate. But also let yourself feel too. In life you get what you give. So from on today I’m going to inspire myself to be confident, put myself in uncomfortable situations, learn to drive, get more confident to get a job, and BELIEVE in myself everyday by writing about it and supporting myself. I may be where I am right now because of things I let affect me recently but its not always going to be like this and I just got to “keep it moving” while standing straight with my head held high.