Long time no talk. I`ve been super busy lately and had no time to write on my blog 😦 But honestly I`m really glad I found this site because I finally have a place to get out my feelings and move on with it. Writing is definitely the best therapy.
Alot of things have happened since then. I was finally back in a good mood and I started drinking again. You know I never believed that saying that alcohol can affect your true feelings about what is going on in your real life. Like how bad situations can make you really upset and angry at people. I realized with my experience with alcohol is that you act before you think. You lose that voice that keeps you in control and tells you what not to do. But when I drink when I`m in a good mood its so fun.
Sometimes like after yesterday I wake up feeling useless. Hungover. Don`t know what happened last night. I woke up this morning freaking out if I locked the door last night or not. AND THEN I couldn’t find my bag and I was freaking out. After I find bag I had a sigh of relief AND THEN I was freaking out cause I couldn’t find my cell phone. Like omg -___-. I just hate waking up to this when all that happened last night. Makes me feel like I’m being really unreasonable, childish, and useless still. Like why am I still acting this way? But sometimes I feel like I just bring myself down, lose self esteem over the dumbest stuff. Like I get that low over something that isn’t even that big of deal. Does anyone else feel that way? But maybe its a good thing to realize that and want to improve myself constantly. I hate how I’m such perfectionist sometimes. I need to remove the stick out of my ass and live a little LOL and let mistakes happen. Cause honestly nothing fun happens when you’re always trying to be good. I need that balance. Work hard and play hard and nothing in between;)
I got really hammered last night and puked and didn`t even make it to the club. So embarrassing. LOL… I don`t even want to show my face around right now. It`s weird though last time I was at K`s birthday and this situation happened to me my girls just brought me home and took care of me. Never made it into a big deal. Last night B was yelling and telling me I`m embarrassing and that she`s never going to take me out again. Like when I think about it I really care about her feelings about me. It`s kind of weird like I don`t want to piss her off. I feel like she`s thinks I`m really useless, tells me to do shit for her like her bitch, and sometimes I`m not really fully myself around her. I don`t know if its the fact that she`s older than me. I don`t know. Well I know she loves me and really trusts me. Even when she was telling me I was embarrassing and freaking out shes like I love you but youre driving me crazy kinda thing. I just don`t get why I keep thinking about this over and over again. Feeling like I need to apologize. Like when this shit happened with my other gfs I don`t feel the need to say sorry or get down on myself for the way I acted but I apologize anyways. However with her I feel like I do. I don`t get why.. Is it the fact that I need her or afraid of losing her. I don`t want to feel like that about a friend. Maybe I still have underlying issues with her I don`t know about or I haven`t completely let go of. I can now say that after a year and half and all the shit we`ve been through I trust her. And trust me I don`t say that alot LOL So when I say things like this I actually mean it. I have her back and I know she has mines even though I drive her insane LOL I`m sticking to my 5 shot limit now. Omg so embarrassing LOL I hate thinking about it.
PS: ill write about my boy stories later on when I got some time